July 25: The Grass is Not Greener...

Earlier, I wrote about our wasteful grassy field. Now that I have some new information on the history behind the Grass Initiative, I'd like to revisit this topic for just a moment (one small but important disclaimer: this information did not come from official Embassy sources. It's all heresay).

The Embassy first attempted to plant the grass from seed. Well, the grass didn’t grow but the pigeons had a feast. So they made a second, third, fourth, and fifth attempt at planting birdfeed grass seed, but always with the same results.

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again 

and expecting different results."
~Albert Einstein

Apparently, someone finally noticed that the pigeons were getting a bit plump, so they decided to use two cardboard scarecrows from a previous Halloween party as deterrents.

OK people. These are not ordinary pigeons. These are Iraqi pigeons. They've flown through mortar fire, car bombs, and IED attacks. You think they’re going to be afraid of some paper clowns???

Needless to say, it didn’t work (though I'm sure the pigeons enjoyed the convenient stoop as they feasted on their imported grass seed).

At this point, it was determined that growing grass from seed was futile, and a new strategy was adopted: importing sod. Yes, they brought in tens of thousands of square feet of sod. By air.



Operation Sod did not get off to a good start. Here's a synopsis:

• Attempt #1: The sod dies immediately. Cause of death: Shock and awe
• Attempt #2: The sod dies within two weeks. Cause of death: Unknown
• Attempt #3: In an attempt to keep the sod from dying for the third time, the gardeners water it every other hour... The sod dies of over-watering.
• Attempt #4: Mission Accomplished.

So now we have grass in the desert, but hey, why stop there? To enhance the beauty of this new imported grass, wouldn't it be awesome to accent the field with imported palm trees?  Yes, there are palm trees in Iraq, but hey, go big or go home.  Our grassy field is now flanked by 19 imported palm trees. And how much would you guess it costs to import palm trees to Iraq?

TWELVE. THOUSAND. DOLLARS.

Each.