Aug 12: Lessons Learned in Iraq

1. Eyeballs + Contact Lenses + Iraq = Unhappy Eyeballs
Have you ever wondered what contact lenses would feel like if they were made out of Brillo pads? Neither have I. But I found out during our first sandstorm! Absolutely horrible.

Cornea Inferno

2. Never assume you know what's around the corner.
One of the best things about working in Public Affairs is that Aaron and I are just down the hall from each other. He pops by my cube several times a day to say hello and grab a quick kiss, and it always makes me smile to hear his tell-tale walk coming my way. So the other day when I heard those familiar footsteps coming towards my cube, I outstretched my arms in anticipation of the hug I knew would follow. Imagine my surprise when I looked up and saw Martin, my and Aaron's boss, standing at the entrance of my cube!

Our huggable boss

Imagine HIS surprise to see his newest staff member greeting him with a loving smile and outstretched arms! Ugh. Slightly mortified (but relieved I hadn't puckered my lips, too), I quickly put my arms down and exchanged awkward greetings.

Could it get anymore embarrassing?? Well, Yes. Yes it can. That Saturday, Aaron and I were working late, and I assumed we were the only ones in the office. So when I heard those familiar footsteps, I shouted:

 "Hey babe! Did you miss me today?"

(I really blame the State Dept. Why do they use such tall cubicle walls anyway???)

And for the second time that week, I looked up to see Martin's startled face. I apologized profusely and explained myself. Luckily, he was quite amused to learn the reason behind my sexual harassment, and when the rightful "babe" walked over a minute later, we all had a laugh. But never again will I identify my husband's presence by footsteps alone...

3. You only need 30% of what you pack.
We were allowed to send 450 pounds of Unnaccompanied Air Baggage (UAB) ahead of us to Iraq. The State Dept contracts with a moving company, which sends movers to your house to pack everything up for you. All you have to do is tell them what to pack. We shipped a year's supply of toiletries, dry food, books, tennis rackets, board games, picture frames, sheets, pillows, office supplies, etc. But we didn't come anywhere close to hitting 450 pounds. I felt proud of our efficient packing until our shipment arrived two weeks later and I had to unpack everything!
I miscalculated a few things... For example, I brought a two-year supply of Listerine, but only a two-month supply of toothpaste (I never realized we were a 2-tube-a-month family!). Most of the stuff we probably don't need, but we're VERY happy to have our own pillows and sheets. I'm also happy I packed office supplies. If you need any kind of office supply here-- a pen, a post-it note, a staple-- you have to fill out a form, submit it for approval, wait 24 hours, go to another part of the building, and wait in a 30-minute line to see if the items you requested are in stock. It's Office Depot meets former Soviet Union.

4. The cost of delivering a baby in Iraq depends on the sex of the child: a boy is $200, and a girl is $100.

This defies explanation. The only positive thing I can say is that Iraqi baby boys and baby girls are equally ADORABLE! Round, pudgy, and friendly... just how I like them! It's strange living in a place where there are no children. Sometimes, I take a detour through the Consular section just to see the little ones running around the play area while their parents wait for visa interviews. In a place like Iraq, their unabashed innocence is a breath of fresh air. They don't care if you're American, Peruvian, or Iraqi. As long as you smile, you can be their best friend for 5 minutes.